When you hit yourself and want to scream/cry/lose it... but can't.

Sometimes my husband, Kevin, gets mad at me when I talk to women who are expecting their first child.  He says it's because of the "negative expression of honesty" that I share.  I just like to tell them how it is - being a new Mom.  That's because I've found that no one else tends to talk like this.  And I say this – I’m the kind of person that needs to know the worst case scenario in things.  TELL me the worst that can and will likely happen.  I LIKE to be mentally prepared. I LIKE that.  But for some reason, it seems like no one else is on that train.  For some reason when I was pregnant, all the other Moms I knew – including my own – just told me about all the wonderful, flowery things – mostly how "rewarding" becoming a Mother is.  But everyone forgot to tell me about the part where the Seeley I’ve always been will go away and never come back the same. The freedom and flexibility I had in my prior life is dead, unless of course I choose to be a dead-beat Mom.  My relationship with my husband will switch from best friends who love spending time together to business partners trying to cope everyday with the chaotic newness of a baby.  And any moments of downtime or aloneness – even to go to the bathroom – are gone.

This leads me to the subject of accidental pain and wanting to LOSE IT!  How many of you have had the experience where you accidentally bump into or get hit by something and are caught off guard?  Example: I was getting my son, Jack, ready to take him on one of our daily "adventures" to the park, and as I had him in my arms and opened the passenger door of our Jeep, the metal corner of the door slammed into my head. It was one of those quick "car accident" type moments where it all happened so slow, yet so fast.  I realized in a nano-second that I had been hit and my first instinct was (as it's always been) to take this opportunity and BREAK DOWN!!! 

Ahhh… the cathartic breakdown and sensation of release that always comes with just letting those tears pour out of my eyes.  Historically, the event happens – I get hit in the head, stub my toe, etc… and then I realize – in THAT moment – “I’ve been hurt! I can finally cry!”  Not because I stubbed my toe – I mean it usually hurts, but not THAT much. But because I just NEED to cry.  And in this instance, if I had actually LET MYSELF cry it would have probably gone something like this…

Oh my GOD. I had NO idea this would be my life. I had no idea that I would never get to have my own emotions again – to not even be able to cry when I hurt myself. I had no idea that I’d have to stop all evidence of emotions in fear that it would scare my baby son. No one told me that I’d have to always come off as this power woman, keeping it together at all times – when he cries uncontrollably in the night and I haven’t had sleep for months, to when he insists on throwing all the food I’ve just prepared for him to the dog.  When he repeatedly brings me the books he wants read, but once I read he just starts crying – I’m not doing it right.  Somedays it really feels like about 90% of what I do as a Mom is all wrong.  Like I’m just guessing all day long.  And it’s hard. As much as I love him (and I do more than life), it’s very hard. No one warned me about this.

I wish someone had warned me of this because I just realized -- as a new Mom, when I accidentally get hurt, I don’t get to have those cathartic cries anymore. I'm pretty sure those days are over.  Maybe they’ll come back when Jack’s older?  I doubt it.  I don’t think I want him seeing just how fragile his Mommy really is. 

Social Networking for Moms: Lessons from the Boardroom

One time in my life i was actually very clued into social media, social networking, how to turn on a computer, etc...  However, I never thought that that world would collide with the new world I'm in today being a Mom.  And i also never imagined I'd start a blog that had nothing to do with my "corporate" life, that i'd actually use a twitter account without being under duress by the demands of a company, or that I'd be going through the process of writing my own book.

Anyway, this post isn't about me. It's actually about all the other PEOPLE i hear promoting themselves as well via social networking.  Prior to becoming a mother myself, i spent many years working in tech marketing - and as a result, I was deeply entrenched with the world of social media.  But today, as a stay-at-home-mom I'm kind of amazed at how some of the same things are happening in the mommy-sphere as are happening in the boardrooms.  In the corporate world, so many industries are desperately trying to jump on the social media bandwagon, trying to understand how things like Facebook, Twitter, Ning, Friendster, Digg, etc... can all work for them - or if they actually CAN work for them. And there's a huge sense of urgency around this need-to-know - NOW!

What i find interesting is that the same thing is happening in homes where there are stay-at-home-moms just dying to 1) share their stories, 2) connect with others who are similar, and 3) are possibly looking for just a bit more use of intellect than what goes on between us and our 1, 3, or 6 year olds...

So, for those Moms out there looking to build and promote the brand that is YOU, i just wanted to share a couple of the resources that once worked well for me - taken from the corporate playbook that can help you learn how to better market yourself using social media.
Charlene Li - founder of Altimeter Group, author of Open Leadership, Coauthor of Groundswell
Brian Sollis - defining the convergence of media and influence
Jeremiah Owyang -web strategy, social media and web marketing
And while that's only a list of 3 names, each of these resources will take you down many paths to uncover many other resources in this realm.  Good luck and i hope it's helpful.

Now that entry is about the most marketing stuff my poor little mommy-mind has thought about since April 29th, 2009 when my son was born!  Time for some Saturday sunlight!

EARTH MOM

He's asleep...

we all survived.

He's peacefully asleep. I think he may have been tired and hungry. Hmmmm.  Come to think of it, i'm just like Jack was when I get tired and hungry.

ni night time.

What to do when your baby bugs the $%&! out of you...

I don't have an answer for this.

I'm open to creative ideas that keep us all safe and smiling (even if it's a smile masking rage.)

Jack must be going through a phase, or i am so inept as a mother that i have no fucking clue what he wants right now.  He seems to be fine with everyone but me. Just screams and cries and his latest thing is falling to the ground and whining/crying (which i just love.)  And as I type this, my fucking cat has used my thigh as a fucking scratch pad.

The ONE day I've been able to shower in approximately 4 (swimming in the club pool to attempt to exercise doesn't count), and Jack has gotten his yogurt and cherries all over my clean clothes.  Why do i even bother showering, dressing, putting on make-up, wiping my ASS?

I need a momma break. My husband and i need a MAN and WOMAN break.  It's too bad drugs never did it for me because i'd be smokin' the shit out of everything right now if they did.

Back to the trenches..... He's calling.

The Smokin' Hot Babysitter

Holy Cow.... so I mentioned in my last post that all my potential babysitters just happened to be hot.  Well, I finally chose one - who happened to be the only one with a pulse, who could return a phone call, arrive on time and complete a sentence.  But anyway, she arrived for the interview presenting exactly as one new Mother could only hope... competent, appearing to genuinely care for little ones, and slightly "average" looking.

I was wrong. Or she just had a bad hair day.  Well I was right about being competent and her care for babies, but man alive, once this girl had the job she showed up looking "smokin' hot" according to my father-in-law (who i've NEVER heard talk like that!)  That was yesterday.  I didn't think she was "smokin'" yesterday, but she looked good.

However, the real surprise was today!  I was coming back from the city where i was picking up my race bib for the upcoming SF Marathon (and no, i'm not doing the marathon... just the 5k.  I'm a new Mom!!  Don't think for a second that I'm one of those crazy gung-ho, hard core types that never missed a day of working out during pregnancy and was a fanatic trying to get back in shape post baby... that is NOT me.)  Anyway, as I pulled up the driveway, I was greeted by our new babysitter, Amanda, in 1) white shorts that could not have been longer than 1 inch (no joke); 2) a gorgeous cute tank top that I (in all my lacking fashion sense) could never pick out for myself -- it even had those cute little flower holes in it -- you know, the feminine kind of shirt that turns guys on!; 3) she had my son in the baby-backpack; and 4) was walking my dog.... but the classic moment of it all was driving up to see my poor husband in the garage putting things away and looking oh-so guilty.  Guilty of nothing of course, but he just knew it did not look good!  I mean, we're new parents, and Momma's finally decided to branch out to let a complete stranger into babysit our first born (not to mention the fact that I wear the same thing every day, shower maybe 2-3 times a week, am still wearing my nursing bras (and no, i'm not nursing anymore), etc... it's not pretty), and I come home to find my husband in the garage, with this hot - and I mean S-M-O-K-I-N' H-O-T new babysitter carrying my son and walking my dog.

Good thing I have a strong sense of self.

A New Look...

It's 9:47am, I haven't written in over a month, and Jack is asleep for who knows how much longer... probably seconds! But I've been craving to write -- it's been way too long.

I've labeled this blog "a new look" because i just changed the template... looks more in-line with that of a mother.

So I've held off on writing for a while, for several reasons... One - is that in my initial writings, I had come across so many other "mother-bloggers." And it just bothered me. Partly because it seems that they're no differentiation, but partly because there IS.  (That doesn't even make sense.)  I just didn't want to get grouped into this category of "mommy bloggers," but now as I think about it even more, I wonder, WHY NOT?  Who the hell cares? If someone reads this and it resonates, who cares that I just happen to be a Mommy Blogger?

Jack's awaken!...  gotta go.

Oh - and I'm interviewing our first potential babysitter today.  What an effing process that is!  Using Sittercity.com where they post photos of the potential sitters... and why are all the babysitters so hot these days? I'm pretty sure I didn't look like that when i was kid!  If fact, I'm pretty sure I never looked that hot!