What to do with myself....??

It's 9:21pm. Kevin's out at a hockey game. I'm home alone. All the babies are asleep (baby and pets), I've had my vino, my dinner and my 3 cookies. And the silence is nearly paralyzing. I used to relish in these moments (pre-baby), and in the heat of my life I live today - I only fantasize about this peace and quiet. But it's here and now and I don't know what to do with myself! Is this normal? What's happened to me!?

All I can hear is silence. It's not comfortable. It's actually a bit terrifying.

I wish he'd go to sleep!

8:59am. Jack's in bed, but not asleep. He can cry at the loudest decimals for hours on end. While I am NOT a believer or supporter of the Ferber technique, I've had to practice letting him wail in 10 min spurts... largely because our sleep consultant says that I'm apparently "dead meat" to Jack. I guess I've responded one too many times to his cries during naps and midnight hours - and I guess that basically makes me Jack's Bitch. How is it that in my attempt to be a good Mom - taking care of my child's needs for comfort, I have become "dead meat?"

9:02am Just went back into Jack's room to remind him that it's nap time, that it's "not time to wake up" and to tell him to close his eyes and go to sleep.... Dealing with his sleep is the hardest part for me. But our sleep consultant (who we call Sleep Nana) also says that babies get what they want 90% of the time.... but that the other 10% of the time is when we as parents should be exerting our discipline and setting boundaries. The 10% number is apparently going to increase as the little guy grows.... if this is the foundation for how I prevent Jack from being one of those little terror kids that has no discipline and shows no respect, then I'll do whatever it takes.

Meanwhile, on the home front, the Husband and I are adjusting to this MAJOR change in our lifestyle. Being that we took on parenthood a little older, we had many years to enjoy the luxury of no heavy responsibilities. Our biggest challenges used to be deciding whether to have Vietnamese or Sushi for dinner, do we take the walk along the Bay or do we walk on the street side, how about we meet up after I have 4 hours of drinking with my best friend in the Marina, etc... we had NO responsibilities. We had NO CLUE. Holy Shit - how becoming a parent changes you.

9:10am I think he finally fell asleep... just took 40 minutes of struggling - for both of us.

The Today Show

This morning pretty much epitomizes what "a day in the life" is like for me since becoming a mom, a homeowner, a wife, and a pet owner.

It's pouring down rain, my husband doesn't know if he has a job, my baby won't take his nap this morning and has been crying for 45 minutes straight despite my efforts to soothe...., a contractor is here working on the house and of course he couldn't find our address so the call waiting kept clicking while I was on the phone with the local waste and recycling company - and i couldn't hear what they were saying on the phone. Probably none of this is making sense. I'm soaking wet from taking the dog out to pee - only to find that he just wanted to play with sticks and drink rain water. I haven't showered in God knows how many days. I don't even remember where my bras are. The Today show is the highlight of my mornings. The Today Show. When I had a job I would laugh at the content of that show - and now it's my morning highlight.

Why I started this blog: Because I can't believe how challenging being a Mom is. Because I'm amazed that Mothers aren't ruling this entire world.... (they need better advocates and marketing - that's for fricking sure.) But it's not just Moms - it's Dad's too. It's Parents. Holy Shit - before my husband and i had Jack, our lives were a piece of CAKE! We'd go out to restaurants every night, bitch about our jobs (which I now look at as a luxury!), I'd get my weekly mani/pedi, massage or go shopping "for me".... And holy shit... has a Mac truck hit us or what!?!?! No one tells you - and probably even if they did, maybe I wouldn't have heard them.

Anyway, Jack's finally asleep. I figure if I'm lucky I'll get about 34 minutes more out of him... maybe I'll shower, if i can remember how.