When you hit yourself and want to scream/cry/lose it... but can't.

Sometimes my husband, Kevin, gets mad at me when I talk to women who are expecting their first child.  He says it's because of the "negative expression of honesty" that I share.  I just like to tell them how it is - being a new Mom.  That's because I've found that no one else tends to talk like this.  And I say this – I’m the kind of person that needs to know the worst case scenario in things.  TELL me the worst that can and will likely happen.  I LIKE to be mentally prepared. I LIKE that.  But for some reason, it seems like no one else is on that train.  For some reason when I was pregnant, all the other Moms I knew – including my own – just told me about all the wonderful, flowery things – mostly how "rewarding" becoming a Mother is.  But everyone forgot to tell me about the part where the Seeley I’ve always been will go away and never come back the same. The freedom and flexibility I had in my prior life is dead, unless of course I choose to be a dead-beat Mom.  My relationship with my husband will switch from best friends who love spending time together to business partners trying to cope everyday with the chaotic newness of a baby.  And any moments of downtime or aloneness – even to go to the bathroom – are gone.

This leads me to the subject of accidental pain and wanting to LOSE IT!  How many of you have had the experience where you accidentally bump into or get hit by something and are caught off guard?  Example: I was getting my son, Jack, ready to take him on one of our daily "adventures" to the park, and as I had him in my arms and opened the passenger door of our Jeep, the metal corner of the door slammed into my head. It was one of those quick "car accident" type moments where it all happened so slow, yet so fast.  I realized in a nano-second that I had been hit and my first instinct was (as it's always been) to take this opportunity and BREAK DOWN!!! 

Ahhh… the cathartic breakdown and sensation of release that always comes with just letting those tears pour out of my eyes.  Historically, the event happens – I get hit in the head, stub my toe, etc… and then I realize – in THAT moment – “I’ve been hurt! I can finally cry!”  Not because I stubbed my toe – I mean it usually hurts, but not THAT much. But because I just NEED to cry.  And in this instance, if I had actually LET MYSELF cry it would have probably gone something like this…

Oh my GOD. I had NO idea this would be my life. I had no idea that I would never get to have my own emotions again – to not even be able to cry when I hurt myself. I had no idea that I’d have to stop all evidence of emotions in fear that it would scare my baby son. No one told me that I’d have to always come off as this power woman, keeping it together at all times – when he cries uncontrollably in the night and I haven’t had sleep for months, to when he insists on throwing all the food I’ve just prepared for him to the dog.  When he repeatedly brings me the books he wants read, but once I read he just starts crying – I’m not doing it right.  Somedays it really feels like about 90% of what I do as a Mom is all wrong.  Like I’m just guessing all day long.  And it’s hard. As much as I love him (and I do more than life), it’s very hard. No one warned me about this.

I wish someone had warned me of this because I just realized -- as a new Mom, when I accidentally get hurt, I don’t get to have those cathartic cries anymore. I'm pretty sure those days are over.  Maybe they’ll come back when Jack’s older?  I doubt it.  I don’t think I want him seeing just how fragile his Mommy really is. 

Social Networking for Moms: Lessons from the Boardroom

One time in my life i was actually very clued into social media, social networking, how to turn on a computer, etc...  However, I never thought that that world would collide with the new world I'm in today being a Mom.  And i also never imagined I'd start a blog that had nothing to do with my "corporate" life, that i'd actually use a twitter account without being under duress by the demands of a company, or that I'd be going through the process of writing my own book.

Anyway, this post isn't about me. It's actually about all the other PEOPLE i hear promoting themselves as well via social networking.  Prior to becoming a mother myself, i spent many years working in tech marketing - and as a result, I was deeply entrenched with the world of social media.  But today, as a stay-at-home-mom I'm kind of amazed at how some of the same things are happening in the mommy-sphere as are happening in the boardrooms.  In the corporate world, so many industries are desperately trying to jump on the social media bandwagon, trying to understand how things like Facebook, Twitter, Ning, Friendster, Digg, etc... can all work for them - or if they actually CAN work for them. And there's a huge sense of urgency around this need-to-know - NOW!

What i find interesting is that the same thing is happening in homes where there are stay-at-home-moms just dying to 1) share their stories, 2) connect with others who are similar, and 3) are possibly looking for just a bit more use of intellect than what goes on between us and our 1, 3, or 6 year olds...

So, for those Moms out there looking to build and promote the brand that is YOU, i just wanted to share a couple of the resources that once worked well for me - taken from the corporate playbook that can help you learn how to better market yourself using social media.
Charlene Li - founder of Altimeter Group, author of Open Leadership, Coauthor of Groundswell
Brian Sollis - defining the convergence of media and influence
Jeremiah Owyang -web strategy, social media and web marketing
And while that's only a list of 3 names, each of these resources will take you down many paths to uncover many other resources in this realm.  Good luck and i hope it's helpful.

Now that entry is about the most marketing stuff my poor little mommy-mind has thought about since April 29th, 2009 when my son was born!  Time for some Saturday sunlight!

EARTH MOM

He's asleep...

we all survived.

He's peacefully asleep. I think he may have been tired and hungry. Hmmmm.  Come to think of it, i'm just like Jack was when I get tired and hungry.

ni night time.

What to do when your baby bugs the $%&! out of you...

I don't have an answer for this.

I'm open to creative ideas that keep us all safe and smiling (even if it's a smile masking rage.)

Jack must be going through a phase, or i am so inept as a mother that i have no fucking clue what he wants right now.  He seems to be fine with everyone but me. Just screams and cries and his latest thing is falling to the ground and whining/crying (which i just love.)  And as I type this, my fucking cat has used my thigh as a fucking scratch pad.

The ONE day I've been able to shower in approximately 4 (swimming in the club pool to attempt to exercise doesn't count), and Jack has gotten his yogurt and cherries all over my clean clothes.  Why do i even bother showering, dressing, putting on make-up, wiping my ASS?

I need a momma break. My husband and i need a MAN and WOMAN break.  It's too bad drugs never did it for me because i'd be smokin' the shit out of everything right now if they did.

Back to the trenches..... He's calling.

The Smokin' Hot Babysitter

Holy Cow.... so I mentioned in my last post that all my potential babysitters just happened to be hot.  Well, I finally chose one - who happened to be the only one with a pulse, who could return a phone call, arrive on time and complete a sentence.  But anyway, she arrived for the interview presenting exactly as one new Mother could only hope... competent, appearing to genuinely care for little ones, and slightly "average" looking.

I was wrong. Or she just had a bad hair day.  Well I was right about being competent and her care for babies, but man alive, once this girl had the job she showed up looking "smokin' hot" according to my father-in-law (who i've NEVER heard talk like that!)  That was yesterday.  I didn't think she was "smokin'" yesterday, but she looked good.

However, the real surprise was today!  I was coming back from the city where i was picking up my race bib for the upcoming SF Marathon (and no, i'm not doing the marathon... just the 5k.  I'm a new Mom!!  Don't think for a second that I'm one of those crazy gung-ho, hard core types that never missed a day of working out during pregnancy and was a fanatic trying to get back in shape post baby... that is NOT me.)  Anyway, as I pulled up the driveway, I was greeted by our new babysitter, Amanda, in 1) white shorts that could not have been longer than 1 inch (no joke); 2) a gorgeous cute tank top that I (in all my lacking fashion sense) could never pick out for myself -- it even had those cute little flower holes in it -- you know, the feminine kind of shirt that turns guys on!; 3) she had my son in the baby-backpack; and 4) was walking my dog.... but the classic moment of it all was driving up to see my poor husband in the garage putting things away and looking oh-so guilty.  Guilty of nothing of course, but he just knew it did not look good!  I mean, we're new parents, and Momma's finally decided to branch out to let a complete stranger into babysit our first born (not to mention the fact that I wear the same thing every day, shower maybe 2-3 times a week, am still wearing my nursing bras (and no, i'm not nursing anymore), etc... it's not pretty), and I come home to find my husband in the garage, with this hot - and I mean S-M-O-K-I-N' H-O-T new babysitter carrying my son and walking my dog.

Good thing I have a strong sense of self.

A New Look...

It's 9:47am, I haven't written in over a month, and Jack is asleep for who knows how much longer... probably seconds! But I've been craving to write -- it's been way too long.

I've labeled this blog "a new look" because i just changed the template... looks more in-line with that of a mother.

So I've held off on writing for a while, for several reasons... One - is that in my initial writings, I had come across so many other "mother-bloggers." And it just bothered me. Partly because it seems that they're no differentiation, but partly because there IS.  (That doesn't even make sense.)  I just didn't want to get grouped into this category of "mommy bloggers," but now as I think about it even more, I wonder, WHY NOT?  Who the hell cares? If someone reads this and it resonates, who cares that I just happen to be a Mommy Blogger?

Jack's awaken!...  gotta go.

Oh - and I'm interviewing our first potential babysitter today.  What an effing process that is!  Using Sittercity.com where they post photos of the potential sitters... and why are all the babysitters so hot these days? I'm pretty sure I didn't look like that when i was kid!  If fact, I'm pretty sure I never looked that hot!

Feels Great to Donate... www.donorschoose.org

I just stumbled upon an AMAZING donation website... www.donorschoose.org.    Holy cow! This site is totally amazing and makes me feel so full of gratitude and hope when I see that people have created something like this.

I strongly urge you to check it out... Teachers all over the US post projects that they're working on with their students, request donations and itemize out the project, benefits and their needs.  I just made a small donation for iPods and Nanos (being that i'm a MAJOR Apple fan.)  Apparently the class even sends hand written thank you notes! Feels great to donate.

Jackie Warner & I Gotta Feeling

thanks to Jackie Warner's new book This is Why You're Fat, I have worked out on the treadmill the last 2 days in a row. That's more than I've worked out in the last 12 months... and I feel pretty good.  Reason for this post though is because the Black Eyed Peas song called I Gotta Feeling.... i kicked ASS in my workout.

So - note to ALL Mothers out there... if you're feeling kinda frumpy, a little unmotivated, exhausted, depleted, fat, worn out, lonely - all of it... let yourself listen to this song. It's bound to lift your spirits even if just a little bit.  A gift you deserve.

Happy Mother's Day!

Food, The Parent Experiment and Single Friends...

#1:  Food -- So I've had this passion about studying nutrition, food, the ways in which the USDA, our government, lobbyists, and pharmaceutical companies are profitting from the growing rate of obesity in our country.... And for years I've thought wouldn't it be great to write a book about all this... and I've even taken a stab a few times. So I started a new blog about all this... then i changed the name -- 4 times! -- and it just occurred to me while showering today to ditch the food-specific blog and just wrap it into this one.  Why the hell not!? A large part of what inspires me to better understand nutrition and food now is really because of Jack anyway, so I'm going to include that stuff here.. just an fyi in case anyone is interested.

#2:  The Parent Experiment -- For the record, this is THE BEST MOMMY PODCAST out there!  I don't know if it's the familiarity of the hosts being from my home town of LA or just the sheer rawness and authentic nature of their content, but I fricking LOVE THIS SHOW.  I actually crave it!  I usually listen to it while I'm cooking for Jack or feeding him, and I seriously laugh out loud.  The two hosts, Teresa Strasser and Lynette Carolla are a breath of fresh air to any new mother.  They just say it like it is -- none of this flowery butterfly crap about what it's like to be a new Mom - but the REAL STUFF! More people need to talk openly about the real challenges of being a Mother.

#3:  And lastly, single friends... I don't mean "single" like sans boyfriend or husband, I'm referring to my one last single friend who is sans baby/babies.... Had a long talk with her last night, and man alive have we grown apart.  I've known her since college days, and while we've dabbled at being "best friends," we've definitely had our strains.  Anyway, after I filled her in on my day yesterday of dealing with Jack squirm like a komodo dragon every time I change his poopy diaper to dealing with the uncertainty every single night of whether or not we'll get any sleep, to needing to cook, clean, bla bla bla -- just being a Mom stuff...  this dear friend of mine has the gall to tell me that once she has a baby she's not going to "lose the balance in her life" and that she "will refuse to let the baby become her whole life."  While I personally think these are 'great ideals' to have in mind, reality changes pretty quickly as you become Mom.  Anyway, I took this as the nice slap in the face from my single friend and just knew I would feel better blogging it.  

Bottom line: If you have never had a baby, do NOT tell another Mother the way you're going to be, how your life will be any better managed or "balanced".  Best to keep your yapper shut.  Keep your flowery butterfly thoughts and ideals of new motherhood to yourself.  Get back to me AFTER you've had the kid.

 

The Sleep Nana is Back!

So for the last week Jack has had some really hard evenings. Typically when he cries, I'll first go in and shush and pat him, followed by standing at the door ever 10 minutes to let him know that it's bed time... that usually works and usually is unnecessary. In fact, just a week ago i was thinking to myself just how well of a sleeper he has become....

DANGER.

Never have those thoughts.

Never ever EVER let your mind think for even a MILLISECOND that your child might be sleeping "well," might be "over the hurdle" of sleep challenges, might "never have a disrupted night sleep again!".. NEVER!

I have learned this lesson a number of times since becoming a Mom -- probably about 15 times... and without fail, each time i have one of those thoughts, without fail, it all goes to shit.

So, our Sleep Nana is coming to the rescue yet again. Without her, I would probably have been institutionalized long ago. And while the experience is not cheap, it is SO worth it - every single penny of it.

What to do with myself....??

It's 9:21pm. Kevin's out at a hockey game. I'm home alone. All the babies are asleep (baby and pets), I've had my vino, my dinner and my 3 cookies. And the silence is nearly paralyzing. I used to relish in these moments (pre-baby), and in the heat of my life I live today - I only fantasize about this peace and quiet. But it's here and now and I don't know what to do with myself! Is this normal? What's happened to me!?

All I can hear is silence. It's not comfortable. It's actually a bit terrifying.

I wish he'd go to sleep!

8:59am. Jack's in bed, but not asleep. He can cry at the loudest decimals for hours on end. While I am NOT a believer or supporter of the Ferber technique, I've had to practice letting him wail in 10 min spurts... largely because our sleep consultant says that I'm apparently "dead meat" to Jack. I guess I've responded one too many times to his cries during naps and midnight hours - and I guess that basically makes me Jack's Bitch. How is it that in my attempt to be a good Mom - taking care of my child's needs for comfort, I have become "dead meat?"

9:02am Just went back into Jack's room to remind him that it's nap time, that it's "not time to wake up" and to tell him to close his eyes and go to sleep.... Dealing with his sleep is the hardest part for me. But our sleep consultant (who we call Sleep Nana) also says that babies get what they want 90% of the time.... but that the other 10% of the time is when we as parents should be exerting our discipline and setting boundaries. The 10% number is apparently going to increase as the little guy grows.... if this is the foundation for how I prevent Jack from being one of those little terror kids that has no discipline and shows no respect, then I'll do whatever it takes.

Meanwhile, on the home front, the Husband and I are adjusting to this MAJOR change in our lifestyle. Being that we took on parenthood a little older, we had many years to enjoy the luxury of no heavy responsibilities. Our biggest challenges used to be deciding whether to have Vietnamese or Sushi for dinner, do we take the walk along the Bay or do we walk on the street side, how about we meet up after I have 4 hours of drinking with my best friend in the Marina, etc... we had NO responsibilities. We had NO CLUE. Holy Shit - how becoming a parent changes you.

9:10am I think he finally fell asleep... just took 40 minutes of struggling - for both of us.

The Today Show

This morning pretty much epitomizes what "a day in the life" is like for me since becoming a mom, a homeowner, a wife, and a pet owner.

It's pouring down rain, my husband doesn't know if he has a job, my baby won't take his nap this morning and has been crying for 45 minutes straight despite my efforts to soothe...., a contractor is here working on the house and of course he couldn't find our address so the call waiting kept clicking while I was on the phone with the local waste and recycling company - and i couldn't hear what they were saying on the phone. Probably none of this is making sense. I'm soaking wet from taking the dog out to pee - only to find that he just wanted to play with sticks and drink rain water. I haven't showered in God knows how many days. I don't even remember where my bras are. The Today show is the highlight of my mornings. The Today Show. When I had a job I would laugh at the content of that show - and now it's my morning highlight.

Why I started this blog: Because I can't believe how challenging being a Mom is. Because I'm amazed that Mothers aren't ruling this entire world.... (they need better advocates and marketing - that's for fricking sure.) But it's not just Moms - it's Dad's too. It's Parents. Holy Shit - before my husband and i had Jack, our lives were a piece of CAKE! We'd go out to restaurants every night, bitch about our jobs (which I now look at as a luxury!), I'd get my weekly mani/pedi, massage or go shopping "for me".... And holy shit... has a Mac truck hit us or what!?!?! No one tells you - and probably even if they did, maybe I wouldn't have heard them.

Anyway, Jack's finally asleep. I figure if I'm lucky I'll get about 34 minutes more out of him... maybe I'll shower, if i can remember how.